Depeche Mode and civil unrest

In honor of DM coming to Salt Lake, I thought I'd repost this (saw it on KROQ first)... it's the news coverage of the "mini-riot" in LA caused by DM showing for an album signing. Kelly Lange leads off, there is big hair throughout, and when was the last time you stepped foot in a Wherehouse Records? Yep, this is dated. Good find KROQ.

Why math is important

I wish I lived near Santa Cruz

Why? Because then I could witness this stuff firsthand. My favorite YouTube comment:

"This kind of stupid should hurt."

I agree. This kind of stupid should be illegal. It's been said that the mob and the masses in general are stupid. I would add that you should never underestimate the strength of stupidity in individuals.

Vertically unchallenged

So interesting! Had to share. I found myself:

a) enjoying the spectacle of the scenes created,
b) being overwhelmed by the creativity and ingenuity,
c) wondering how the heck they thought of, and DID all that,

all at the same time.

Another INCREDIBLE execution is Coldplay's new video for "Strawberry Swing" that came out on Monday. It's a similar idea with a plot that pits a superhero against an evil giant squirrel and done entirely in chalk. I haven't been able to find a place that allows embedding, so you'll just have to follow the link and check it out:

Full video, trailer below:

The iQ font

Now I want to be a font driver when I grow up. Outstanding - and couldn't have picked a more interesting vehicle to use... what Americans will soon know as the Scion iQ.

iQ font - When driving becomes writing / Full making of from wireless on Vimeo.

Download the iQ font.

Incubus - Salt Lake City, USANA Amphitheater

Fantastic show. It's too bad the USANA Amphitheater doesn't allow cameras - these highlights were taken on my Blackberry (sorry for the poor quality)... it's hard to dance, sing and hold a camera steady.

The set list:

Privilege
Pardon Me
Nice To Know You
Anna Molly

Stellar
Megalomaniac

Love Hurts

Drive - acoustic... Brandon and Mike paused before the last chorus to have what appeared to be a short conversation for about 20 seconds while the crowd went nuts during the quiet interlude.

Talk Shows On Mute

Dig - acoustic, and it almost sounded transposed to a different key... very interesting

Redefine

New Skin

A Certain Shade of Green
Oil & Water

Quicksand

A Kiss To Send Us Off

Wish You Were Here

Let's Go Crazy (off the new album, it was wacky to hear Brandon get on the mic and start doing the intro to a Prince song. I didn't know it was on Monuments at the time... "dearly beloved... we are gathered here..."


*Encore*
(this is the crowd shouting for the encore... "Incubus!... Incubus!... Incubus!"... they came back on pretty quick to finish up with a 3-song encore. I thought it was interesting that they ended with Warning).

Punch Drunk

Sick Sad Little World - Mike had a killer guitar solo in the middle.
Warning

The Deseret News also posted a review - I thought it was pretty accurate.

The overpass - 7/16/09

Finally! I caught someone in the act of updating this thing... first time ever. Too bad it's such a boring message :). Welcome back Elder.

Incubus - tonight!

Needless to say, I'm excited. Wifey and I are catching Incubus tonight at the USANA Amphitheater! Their new songs are growing on me, but I'm actually really excited to hear their classics as well as their rare/b-sides. With kids, sometimes it's hard to get away and see concerts (oh, did I mention we're constantly broke?), so we only see bands/artists we REALLY care about. Well, that (I) really care about :). But as soon as wifey comes up with a good group/country artist to see, I promised to willingly go along and pretend to have a good time. :)

I'll try and get some pictures and videos from my phone and post them after tonight... meanwhile...

Priorities

This guy's got his priorities straight. [/sarcasm] I can't tell if I'm disgusted or jealous.

The overpass - 7/15/09

I'm not sure what you did Emily, but someone's got an axe to grind. Either that, or you have questionable hygiene habits. Take note.

Sad but true - Americans

Sometimes I like to pretend that our country's (the U.S.) teeming cities are filled with globally-minded, responsible, kind, intelligent and compassionate human beings that, although imperfect, are still trying to make an effort to love their neighbors and be good people. Then I like to pretend my summer home is located on the moon, I'm 10 years younger and I have a dog that defecates solid gold bricks.

Not to cast aspersions on the populace in general. I happen to know a lot of decent, hard-working, morally sound Americans (and no, I don't happen to mean "religious" specifically, there are plenty of upstanding and kind souls that here that would "make the grade" no matter which religion you happen to be talking about... I meant generally). I know they exist - they're the people balancing out the other large group of Americans I know. The idiots. They are the people that occasionally make me ashamed to be called an American. They are the people that believe that America is the first and last word in countries that matter. They are the "ugly Americans."

That said, I thought this was hilarious.

Evian. Results may vary.

I saw this today and was kind of... well, baffled. I mean, it's a neat idea I guess. It ties into the strategy well. It's definitely memorable. But... I can't imagine how the meeting went to decide this one.

"And our favorite, I think we all agree, is that 'dancing babies on roller skates' idea... everyone cool with that one? Sweet we start filming in April."

DJ Steve Porter is awesome

A friend of mine posted this on his facebook page and I was instantly hooked. I checked out some of his (DJ Steve Porter's) other work and wasn't as impressed sadly - but that's just me. He's talented for mixing these two pieces, they're brilliant.

I put both of these mp3's on my iPod. I know, wtf.

The overpass - 7/8/09

Welcome back from your Spanish-speaking mission Elder Vah. Hope your transition back into American life isn't too jarring.

Little Caesar Off

My wife and I get a huge kick out of sign holders. I have to ask - who's bright idea was this? "Hey I know, let's pay some poor soul peanuts to hold a sign outside of our business! Passersby will be amused and inspired to purchase our product!" Nope. Seeing someone holding a sign for a business incites the same kinds of feelings I get when I pass a homeless person on the street begging for change - the only difference is that I'll usually feel compelled to give the bum my spare change because I know they're only doing it for themselves. There is something that feels very wrong about humiliating a person on purpose to sell something (especially if it actually doesn't).

But there's something very right about people that agree to do this job, and aren't humiliated. Instead, they take it to the next level - they dance emphatically. They sing. They shout. They point. They party. They do things that normal, inhibited, self-respecting people don't do - and for that I salute them. They brighten my day. I have yet to buy anything as a result, but they can single-handedly make me smile, even if I'm having a crappy day.

My wife and I favor the Little Caesar's sign holders, hands down. I'm not sure what motivates them to do things other sign holders wouldn't (and without costumes even!), but it's the best... to the point that we may have unfair expectations from less enthusiastic Little Caesar's sign holders. If you're holding a cardboard guitar painted like a pizza with "$9.99" on it, you better be rockin' it.

I was on YouTube today looking for the beloved "Origami" spot I remember from my youth (now there's some effective advertising... I still remember it 2 decades later). Then I saw these related videos and, well... I have to say... if you like bad, you'll love these.

The overpass - 7/3/09

"YADER 143"

I don't remember what I was doing actually driving on the bridge in American Fork, but here's a nice back view for reference.

Cryptic. I have no idea how this would make sense to anyone but the two parties communicating the message.

The overpass - 7/1/09

There is a freeway overpass in American Fork (yeah, that's the actual name of the city for out-of-towners... no, I'm not kidding) that I drive under about a dozen times during the week. It's unique - not because of the generic chain-link fence that adorns its concrete walls, but because of the red plastic Solo-brand disposable cups that people stick in holes to spell out messages to the public speeding along I-15. I find any attempt to communicate in a non-conventional way fascinating, and it's especially rewarding when the message is worth hearing.

Unfortunately, I've never seen anything worth remembering over the years as I've driven under it, but it's still very fascinating to see people attempt to communicate in red Solo cup. Sometimes it's "happy birthday so-and-so," other times it's "welcome back so-and-so." When the cups disappear altogether (I assume someone finally gets sick of it and cleans it up), they return days or weeks later with a new message. The message is occasionally altered, and the cups are effectively "recycled." It's like a poor man's marquee, and it stays surprisingly fresh and current.

I thought I'd start documenting the weird phenomenon - maybe someone from NPR will also find it fascinating and want to interview me. Maybe I'll create a coffee table book from all the pictures I take.

Or maybe I'll just entertain myself.

I'm not sure what happened here, but all I can make out is "1 year." I think someone was trying to celebrate an anniversary when they ran out of cups.

Wow, racist much?

It never ceases to amaze me the number of mentally deficient people in the great state of Utah, particularly Utah County. Some may be left scratching their heads as if that's a patently obvious statement. Fair enough. I'm amazed at the sheer volume of stupid in this valley. The man in the green Mazda that threatened to pull me out of my car and "beat my ass" over lunch is merely one more tally mark in the column entitled "reasons to bomb Utah."

I was headed west down 800 East in Orem past the mall. Those that know the area are familiar with the Red Lobster, Maverick, etc. located in the area:

I was going at a pretty good clip (probably about 40 mph) in the left of two lanes. I wanted to make a right turn at the intersection, so I prepared to do so by putting my blinker on and moving into the second (right) lane. A dude in a green Mazda was pulling out of the Maverick (pictured). He literally looked right at me entering his lane, faced forward quickly and gunned it. At this point, I have one of two options. I either finish my lane change and brake extremely hard behind the guy to prevent a collision, or I cancel the lane change, get back in my lane, speed up slightly, pass, and move over in front of him.

Most people in the position of Mr. Tool, having already made the mistake of failing to yield properly to oncoming traffic would probably slow down, look around and make sure their car isn't in danger of causing any other accidents. Most people would look for the car they almost hit, and make sure they were out of harm's way. Not this winner. If you were wondering which option I took, I took option B: just go around the guy and make him pay for his mistake. Mr. Tool was having none of that.

As I sped up to 50 and passed him, I realized that he hadn't slowed down. In fact, he had decided to gun it as well, realizing that I was going to pass him. I'm not sure what he was thinking, but I've noticed that a lot of people in Utah Valley love the "I'm offended" game. The object is to try and manufacture situations where, instead of letting someone have their way (legal right-of-way in this case) and moving on, you attempt to force a dangerous, last-minute situation where you pretend like you didn't know what was going on and then try to blame the "almost accident" on the other person. I realized that Mr. Tool must have lettered in this game in high school.

I passed him pretty quickly and he was in my blind spot before I realized what he was doing: he was trying to cut me off... prevent me from getting in his lane (also illegal btw). But I had a whole 2-3 car lengths to make the lane change. At this point, I was forced to make another decision: brake in my lane, or the one over. I decided it was time to get in the lane I had intended to be in before Mr. Psychopath decided he wanted to play the "I'm offended" game.

I moved over and had to brake fairly hard. I signaled. I cleared his Mazda with 2 car lengths to spare and anyone else would've been forced to slow down the second they saw the blinker. Not Mr. Tool. I came to a stop behind the next car in line. I waited for a second, and, sure enough, I heard the sound of tires screeching. Mr. Jackass had decided to wait until the last minute to brake - attempting to further punctuate the fact that my car is faster than his. No, wait. I think he was trying to say that I almost caused an accident. Nope. Nice try though.

There was the obligatory horn blast that lasted 4 seconds. Okay, maybe I deserved that, but it's not like I caused that situation. Then there was the cussing and swearing. I couldn't really make it out, but I heard plenty of 4-letter gems in there. Then came the finger. As I'm watching in my rearview, I see his hand raised out the driver-side door. Then, as traffic starts to inch forward slowly in front of me, I see him get out of his car... but it's not like he walks up to me. He just stands there, one foot out, yelling and swearing at me (still pretty unintelligible) like a barking dog. I laughed (he couldn't really see me, my windows have a pretty dark tint).

I thought my brief encounter with the clown was over until I saw his green Mazda pop up in my rearview again. I thought to myself, "Oh great... here we go." He gets right on my bumper predictably , as we come to the next stop light a block away. I come to a complete stop in my lane, and I see him pull to the right side of my car. Like a bad movie script, I intuitively realize that he's going to stop, parallel to me in the next lane and give me what he desperately needs to keep - a piece of his mind.

Sure enough, there's his head, poking out his window, the obscenities continue - and this time, I can actually hear them loud and clear.

dude: Hey, why don't you learn how to f***ing drive, a***h***!

me: (glossy-eyed stare through sunglasses back at him)

dude: What the f*** is wrong with you?! F***ing a***h***, get out of the car if that's the way you want do it b****!

me: (same stare, one eyebrow raised)

dude: What the f*** were you doing a***h***?

me: You saw my blinker, I was trying to get into your lane and you cut me off... you forc...

dude: (interrupting) f*** you motherf***er! Get out of the car!

The guy gets out of his car, comes over to the passenger side of my car, and continues to yell at me. It seriously looks like a darker version of Flea from The Red Hot Chili Peppers. Five foot sixish, no shirt, tattooed up, almost drooling and spitting with rage.

me: (smiling slightly) Are you serious?

dude: F***ing get out of the car b****! I'll kick your ass!

me: Get back in your car.

dude: F*** you and your stupida** Japanese piece of s*** car!

me: (thinking) wait, what's a Mazda again?

dude: Why don't you go back to where you came from and learn how to f***ing drive you piece of s***!

This brought my mind to a complete halt. I was already starting to feel a bit self-conscious, since the guy was holding up traffic and starting to create quite the specticle. I noticed that despite all his ridiculous threats, he didn't dare touch my car, and he certainly wasn't in a hurry to pull me out of my car and get all Rodney King on my, well, you know. I was bewildered. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

me: Where I'm from?! I'm from LA retard!

dude: (not paying attention because he's too busy yelling) F*** you and your s***ty car. Go back where you belong and learn how to f***ing drive! (x3, chorus, and refrain like a broken record as he gets back in his car and speeds off).

I'm not sure where he got that unless he equates driving a foreign vehicle with being foreign-born. That being said, the slobbering candidate for the next KKK mascot didn't look anything Japanese. I'm still completely confused by the experience. Maybe it's because I didn't say a whole lot because he was really fascinating to watch.

Ugh. I just hope I didn't make him late for his job at Wendy's.

Not Harder, Faster or Better... but Strong.

I will occasionally start the song Aerodynamic by Daft Punk when I sit down to be productive. It might be OCD, but that's okay. I guess it could be worse. I was fascinated by the interpretations of it on YouTube (there are always 30 people worldwide that will take a song and sing, play, yell, burp, fart it etc.). Since it's such a unique, signature song, it's been copied a lot.

I found this, and it was actually pretty neat. Maybe because the dude doesn't make a single error and it's fun to hear it on a different instrument. Anyhow, DP fans will no doubt bop their head like I did.

Grout my tiles?

I was waiting for this to finally get posted on YouTube. I saw this when it came out on Creativity Online and we had quite the laugh at the office. Brilliant, brilliant stuff.

Pranked... ouch.

What would you with $500,000? What would you do if you found out that you'd been pranked and didn't win $500,000? Hilarious - I'm glad his friend's got a sense of humor.

This man is the bees' knees

Imagine you're a professional football player. It's after the game, you've just beat the Dallas Cowboys. It's time to attend the after-game press conference. You roll your eyes. Booooriiiiing. It's the same stale questions asked by the same motley bunch of reporters. Time to don a fake smile and hope they don't ask you about the back taxes you owe, or your ties to the latest pro athlete to be accused of using performance-enhancing drugs. You just want to answer the same set of 20 questions and drive home in your Lamborghini.

Enter Tom Gribble AKA Scoops Callahan AKA "that really funny/amusing/irritating 1920's sports announcer guy." He sticks his mic in your face and suddenly the press conference comes to a grinding halt. There are looks of amusement and discomfort on the faces of everyone present, as they look to you to answer the guy that sounds like he just arrived from 1927 in a time machine. Hilarity ensues.

I don't know where this idea came from but... wait, yes I do. If you were listening to the Kevin and Bean show on May 6th, they interviewed Tom... and he's totally not who I was expecting behind the facade. Here he is being interviewed by the boys:

I love what Kevin says and Tom confirms: "Hey, they're just coaches and athletes, right? Calm down." Amen. As great as they are (and as much as they're paid), they're still human beings. It's fun to see how some of them deal with situations like that and how many of them are well-grounded.

Some more of Tom's fine work:

CAPTCHA fail

I'm not sure what to think of facebook's CAPTCHA system anymore.

Swine flu in the 70's

Ah, the 70's. Disco balls, afros, bell bottoms and... swine flu? You bet. As we take the next few weeks to completely forget the pandemic that swine flu almost was (and replace it with the next U.S. panic attack presented by our news media), let's look back at some of the great PSA's the Ad Council produced to help raise awareness for vaccinations. It's a lot more interesting if you substitute an STD (take your pick) for "swine flu."

See you again in 40 years, scary-hybrid-ever-mutating-strain-of-deadly-avian-flu-spawn that could kill us all.

Boone Oakely

Awesome. I wonder if they're hiring.

YouTube Comment Hall of Fame, part 1

Well, I promised I'd do it, and I finally happened on a YouTube comment stream that was worthy of being inducted into what I am tentatively calling the YouTube Comment Hall of Fame. Here's the best of the best.

Enjoy.

Part 1 - Jeremy Piven says the Playoffs Are Full of Surprises

gbox1273 (2 months ago)
I am Belo from Dungu. I am a real witch and died 102 years ago. Now you read this. If you don't send this to 5 other videos I will appear one day next to your and bed and laugh you out. THIS IS NO LIE! Then you will cry

No, I'm already crying. Dead witches have infiltrated YouTube!

scottyEdbanger (3 months ago)
"steve nash seems harmless until he beats you off..."

Well played.

djd829 (3 months ago)
this is definitely more than blue screen

yaya2295 (4 months ago)
piven is a time stopper

NPTstar (4 months ago)
Piven is stupid!!! Why dont he get the ball and go to the other basket and do a layup?

CCWAVES (5 months ago)
F*** you, NASH is the s*** in the NBA. One of the best PG's
in the leauge, so f*** all you hatiung b****es...

BumDooDooCheese (5 months ago)
ur an idiot

bigNYYfan7 (5 months ago)
Ha nash sucks they cant win in the playoffs

sexygrandma6 (5 months ago)
first of all it's a green screen, second of all jeremy piven is god

rutgerslover513 (5 months ago)
billma12345 i hope ur jokin cuz if not you may be the biggest dumass ive ever seen!

drewrg (5 months ago)
f*** man.. ur so retarded its called special effects, blue screen, havent u ever seen a hollywood movie

billma12345 (5 months ago)
no such thing as a blue screen dum as

drewrg (5 months ago)
dude your the f***ing dumbas. thinking he actually walked in from that where the players were all frozen? are you kidding me, and there is a thing called a blue screen you just dont know about it dumbf***

GreenstEliete (6 months ago)
yea no way this is the 21st centurey and something was invented that u can pause game footage or something. theres no way u can just stop something thats happening right its deff wires........ hahaha u guys are f***ing retarded... please tell me ur like old crazy guys who dont no that the WW2 is over or something

aznballaboi23 (6 months ago)
lol ur an idiot
or u lived in a cave for 20 years

SunsD13 (8 months ago)
Wow, "did they use wires?" ....shut up u idiots. Its called pressing pause!!

DemonGuitar2 (8 months ago)
how did they make nash just hang there. im guessing wires then piven came in to do his speech or something.

Haloshit06 (9 months ago)
isoquant and the rockyfan lawl!I even better 8 year olds can figure that this is called Video Editing

babygabe1995 (11 months ago)
therockyfan3162 and isoquantDOSE R SUM 2 DUM ASS NI***S. READ DIS ND IF U THINK ITS SMART F*** UR SELF...
therockyfan3162 (1 year ago) obviously fake, those players cant just freeze like that on their own, must be strings or something
Isoquant (1 year ago) Yeah, this is a fake. No way they all just froze there while he walked around talking about Nash

Glotfelty (1 year ago)
you are a homo

gatesh (2 years ago)
You guys are IDIOTS!!! Ofcourse this Piven guy wasnt there, that wasnt the point. Nash's incredible play was the point. I swear this place is full or retards.

I won't argue that. I fear for the future of this country.

Brands gone wild

The economy is finally showing signs of life and a faint speck of promise is glimmering on the horizon... it's the perfect time to abandon hope and start poking fun at the mega conglomerates that we revered so much. Right before they stole our 401(k) and kicked us out on the street.

I'm extremely thankful to be working for a company that is founded in really solid principles, sells a useful, fulfilling product, and treats its employees so well. Our family is blessed. We have the illusion of job security, and I can't tell you how precious that is when we hear about friends, neighbors and colleagues getting laid off, their benefits and pay cut, or burdened with 2 or 3 more job functions wherever we turn.

I got this email forward with a bunch of (poorly) altered brand logos that I got a chuckle from. If you're obsessed with brandology like I am, you might find these amusing:

The best of Nancy Grace

Yes, I understand the title of this post is an oxymoron. But Nancy Grace's "best" is when she is being unintentionally hilarious.

When you're a professional, respect those around you... or they'll make you look like an idiot. And if you're already an idiot like Nancy Grace, they'll do it during a podcast.



Nancy's concerned with the heart of the matter and will only argue valid, rational and fair points with her guests. And she never stutters.



Nancy understands the subtle and complex intricacies of the English language. For example: what her guests say vs. what she wants to believe they said so she can tell them what they said so she can give us her qualified and rehearsed opinion... in a way that is mutually respectful, professional and mature.

Again, never stutters.



Nancy Grace is concerned with her guests' problems in a compassionate, loving, non-self-absorbed, non-ratings motivated kind of way - even if those problems aren't the ones they're ready or willing to talk about. Because to Nancy, it's all about helping people get their story out.

Kaboom!

ROFL.



BOINK!

Meet the Spy video leaked!

Valve's probably pissed. Does anyone see the irony in the fact that this newest "meet the..." edition stars a spy that gets through enemy defenses to steal a secret briefcase? Hilarious. Sucks to be Valve yesterday, but great to be a TF2 fan today - just goes to show that you're something right when leaked footage of your next project is coveted like a Maserati in Inglewood.



Slightly racier than their past installments, but still incredibly well done.

Still Alive

Step 1. Play Portal.
Step 2. Finish Portal.
Step 3. Enjoy the closing "credit video."
Step 4. Watch this:



I can't believe someone actually put in the time to do this. Humans are amazing.

Spit it out!

I was on Creativity Online today and happened on their new commercial. If you're lucky enough to catch it, CO posts new creative free to the public for five days. If you're not, you've gotta fork out 100 bones to access their site (year subscription) and I've gotta say... what young (I use the term loosely) advertising hack would pay that much a year just to be inspired with fresh ideas and fodder for his next campaigns? Well, I would. In a heartbeat. But, surprise surprise. I'm broke.

Their newest spot is a departure from their old campaign that I dug up on YouTube... which bears reposting because this stuff is great. Slapstick can go horribly wrong, or awesomely wrong. Having a ram charge full speed into a dude's netherregions in a crosswalk, distracted by a cellphone call is awesomely wrong.

Yo!

We were talking about the NBA Finals at the office and I remembered this commercial from awhile back. Memorable.

Guys, c'mon. Seriously.

There are two types of men in this world. Those that pick their nose discreetly, and those that make a habit of picking/blowing their nose while standing at a public urinal.

I admit, we men are a disgusting species. We have bad habits. We're notoriously careless about our hygiene and grooming routines. We smell funny on occasion. We stay stupid things. But in my 30-odd years of life, I feel I need to draw a line in the sand. Or the bathroom tile as it were. Men, stop blowing the contents of your nose all over the wall, and stop wiping it on the stainless steel fixtures. It's disgusting to say the least. I have to stand there and do my business while my busy little "yeah I could've totally done forensics as a career" brain tries to figure out the trajectory of your booger ballistics like it was a crime scene, and this was blood spatter. And if it's been awhile since my last visit, I have to analyze the color and consistency too.

At this point, any female has to be asking herself - is this REALLY that big of a problem? This happens frequently enough to comment on? You have no idea. It's a universal constant, and I myself have just started trying to figure out why I see it so often. Seriously. WTF.

Just stop it already guys. It's revolting. Some poor soul has to clean up after you, and meanwhile the rest of us have to try and ignore it when it's less than a foot away from our faces.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've gotta go gag for a few minutes.

Child abuse? Yeah, there's an app for that.

You are no doubt familiar with Apple's latest ads for the iPhone:



Why would I need to pay hundreds of dollars to simply read a regular ol' book? Shut up Apple.

"Yep, there's an app for just about... anything." But child abuse? You betcha. I was listening to the Kevin and Bean show and they were interviewing the founder of http://www.krapps.com/. Krapps is a site that reviews Apple applications available for purchase in the Apple Store. The big difference between Krapps and the hundreds of other Apple fanboy-friendly review sites is that Krapps spotlights the apps in the Apple Store worth talking about: the bad ones.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not one of those PCphiles either - but as bad as Microsoft advertising gets on occasion, it can't hold a candle to the double-barrel condescension Apple cranks out. The kind of stuff that makes consumers (the really stupid ones) believe that once they own an iPhone, they can cure cancer. Nope, no app for that yet. "If only I could get a MacBook Pro, then maybe I'll grow some talent too." No such luck. Well Apple has finally entered the world of user/programmer-generated apps and surprise, surprise... they can be just as buggy, poorly packaged and useless as their PC counterparts. The great thing about the Apple ones though is that the advertising overpromises on it to the nth degree.

So, back to child abuse. Yeah, there's an app for that too it turns out:



I've read the stories on Krapps and TechCrunch, and yes. That's in pretty poor taste. Both articles called attention to Apple's lack of vigilance in approving this one, and in Apple's defense, the app was pulled immediately when an angry mob stormed their castle gate. What kills me though are the slew of other ridiculous "apps" that Apple fanboys can walk around the office and impress their friends with.

Want to rate and compare your poop? There's an app for that, I [expletive] you not. From Krapps:

But this ain’t no ordinary poop journal … Apple only approves the ultimate
in tootsie roll tracking. Let’s take a tour:



Generate Poop: Choose from 20 different dookie-types which best represent
the look of your crapola (ex = Gorillas In The Mist, Ring Of Fire, Trail Mix,
etc.) … Select from 21 fragrances which best describe the smell of your sea
pickle (ex = Fish & Otter Waste, Fungus and Moss, Grandma’s Fur Coat, etc.)
… Then hit the Flush button to enter your do-do data.



My Poop Stats: Track your personal poopie stats like total number of
toilet twinkies taken, tonnage of waste generated and miles of toilet paper
consumed. Share details of your last lumber by email.
Poop Places:
Leveraging the iPhone’s GPS technology, you can keep track of your load’s
location history or use the real-time Global Poop Map &
Leader Board to view other users marking their territory around the world
(how’s that for social media!).



Trophy Room: A colon cobra competition where you have the chance to collect
four trophies … satisfies even the most competitive chocolate soldier.

Wow. Thank you Krapps.com for keeping us updated on Apple's newest life-improving, productivity-sustaining, cutting edge apps. I was wondering when they were going to put that newfangled GPS technology to work for mankind.

I have a feeling I'm going to be sharing a lot of Krapps reviews in the future. Awesome.

Parking fail, part 2

Fail.

Bonus fail:

Funny and refreshingly un-PC, but you're still an [expletive]. At least learn how to park the damn thing.

Engrish please.

This was posted with the title "I question their abilities." I couldn't agree more. Sometimes I'm glad I learned English first.

Fail? No, win.

Someone filed this under "fail," but I see this as total win. It's Monday and I needed a pick-me-up!

Sub-Zero spotted antique shopping

Tournament fighter and cryogenics expert Sub-Zero was seen shopping for antiques on Tuesday in an upscale Beverly Hills boutique. Flanked by a small security detail, he threatened to "ice a few members of the [expletive] paparazzi" that were apparently getting a little aggressive at one point.

One onlooker who wished to remain anonymous commented on SZ's physique and appearance, stating, "He looked unusually pale and malnourished... definitely not in good form." The onlooker was most likely referring to decades past, when the cold, emotionless master of death was considered to be at his peak:

(file photo)



Full story here. Just plain weird.

There is such a thing as a free lunch

Our team went to Wendy's today for a little lunch and something awesome happened. I became so engrossed with our conversation in line that I failed to realize that I didn't have my bank card with me (my wife stole it to purchase something specific and I never thought to get it back). That's not the awesome part. I went ahead and ordered a combo meal, and when it came time to pay I whipped out my wallet only to find a gaping space where the bank card should've been. "Crap," I said under my breath as I realized I couldn't pay. What do you say in a situation like that? "Yeah... um, go ahead and cancel that order, I'm sorry... I forgot that I'm broke." Something similar to that came out of my mouth and I awkwardly sidestepped the line so that people with real money could actually order their food.

In the confusion I turned to my ACD and, seeing what was going on, he graciously offered to pick up lunch for me. I started to relay this to the gentleman taking my order when the manager came over and said, "Hey, do you still want this #1? I mean, it's already made and we'd just have to throw it out anyway." I insisted to pay - "No no, he'll pick it up" *pointing to my ACD*, but she also insisted. "It's no big deal, it's actually already paid for." My tiny brain couldn't wrap my head around the concept momentarily. "By who?" I asked. "Oh, I charged it to 'manager', it's all good."

Thanks local Wendy's. You rock.

Miss California loses pageant, retains self respect

I believe beauty pageants are pointless and lame. I'm sorry if that's not "PC" but that's my uninformed, pedestrian opinion. I'm not even going to say I'm entitled to it, it's really kind of a mean thing to say. I just don't understand the point, maybe I don't "get" them. But Sunday's Miss America Pageant gave me a new reason to watch - Miss California gave "one of the worst answers in pageant history."

That's a direct quote. And while I assumed she was being criticized for not giving the normal "I love puppy dogs, rainbows and world peace" speech, I was surprised to learn the extent of her alleged "un-PC-ness" [/sarcasm]. I was expecting "I totally, like, empathize with the skinheads and understand their plight," or maybe "Oh yeah, product testing on animals is both an economic, as well as socially responsible solution to meeting FDA requirements." No no, what Miss CA said was even worse. At least according to Perez Hilton. Worst answer in pageant history? Hardly. We got that little gem 2 years ago in the Miss Teen USA pageant - remember Miss Teen South Carolina?

As you can see on several talk shows (including the one I posted here) covering this event (or non-event depending on who you ask) it's clearly hard for them to contain their contempt for Perez Hilton. Can you blame them? Holy Taco describes Hilton:

"He spends his days making up gay rumors about celebrities, then attending award
shows at night and pretending to be annoyed when reporters ask him questions.
His blog is basically just a series of pictures with [expletive] finger
painting on them, followed by two paragraphs that seem to be written like a
fourth grade child who moved here from Vietnam.

Holy Taco is the site that presented this year's Douchebag Tournament (running concurrently with March Madness, naturally), pitting the nation's biggest tools against each other. Perez barely edged out Spencer and Heidi (of The Hills... fame?) gaining 52.4% of the vote in the first round:





Hilton would go on to lose to OctoMom in round 2 who is poised to win the whole thing. Who knew?


Anyway, without getting into the nitty-gritty of the firestorm that is the "same-sex marriage debate," I will say this without reservation: Somebody needs to develop the cure for stupid, fast. This is why you are a tool Mr. Hilton:


1. Miss CA answered your question. Don't act so surprised and outraged. Calling her "politically incorrect" because she doesn't agree with your agenda is both an immature emotional response and a very convenient fallacy. I have yet to figure out why Miss CA's comments were "politically incorrect." Calling someone a "dumb [expletive]" on national television is politically incorrect. Classy.


2. Who made you the arbiter of national morals and standards? Judging from your reaction, you seem to think the phrase "I don't believe in same-sex marriage" is the moral equivalent of saying "I believe in slavery." Although same-sex marriage is an issue still being debated in this country, the fact that you don't even acknowledge the public discussion going on is disturbing. You give the impression that everyone in support of gay marriage in America believes that the rest of us who don't share your conviction are a bunch of backwards, gay-hating homophobes that aren't "getting with the program" - like it's a matter of time and the majority of America is waiting on us. You assume everyone thinks like you do. Do you even understand what kind of amazing opportunities and freedoms you have living in this country, much less appreciate them? I'm sure you don't. You're focused on gossip.


3. You're a hypocrite. Miss North Carolina's question wasn't that hard. Who is going to side with big business and agree that the bailouts were a good idea in this political and economic environment? Nobody. How did you give Miss CA the "easy way out?" - by expecting her to give you some middle-of-the-road, wishy washy, vapid response like, "I think that states should be able to decide for themselves... Uh, because... that's what's going to end up happening anyway, right?" You asked. By expecting her to give some canned response that panders to your political thinking and shallow agenda, you were judging her based on her moral, political and religious views. Exactly what you told Matt Lauer you hoped we wouldn't do in the future when asking contestents questions like this. Good job. So you vote her out - not because of the way she carried herself throughout the competition, and not because of the way she answered the question. She lost because she's Christian? Awesome. Just stop feeding me this "the ideal Miss America should be this and that" crap and have the cajones and security to admit that not everyone agrees with your tiny view of the world.

Your little temper tantrum made her a martyr for the cause and helped a lot of people find out who you are. But I guess you're loving it - any attention is good attention for an attention whore.

Go see what Britney is up to, we don't care what you think about politics.

There's a zombie on your lawn

Like a Britney Spears song, it drones, it repeats itself, it's a little brainless; but it's the song you're humming to yourself on your way to work. It's the song in your head you'd like to replace with a bullet, on your way home.

It's like being able to play something from Homestar Runner instead of just watching it.

Extra points for (a little) creativity. I'm not a big fan of casual games, but I'm actually looking forward to trying this one. Why? Well, I'm a sucker for zombies, but that's not all it has going for it. Anyone can create a tower defense game - but it takes imagination to make the heroes smiling, happy flowers. And the villains cute, but dumb caricatures carrying screen doors for defense. In a marketplace awash in cookie-cutter xerox copies of Halo, Resident Evil and Warcraft, bravo to Pop Cap for releasing something a bit different (which is new for them too apparently, see video below). And the tagline is... well, sublime. I won't spoil it.

It makes a great sequel to the last Pop Cap game I actually sat down and played: Peggle.

Coca-Cola on childbirth and hedonism

A fantastic spot for Coke en espanol (sorry for the lack of diacritics, I'm feeling lazy today). It's great from an advertising perspective: good concept, good storytelling, compelling, heartfelt... it comes across as sincere (for the most part), although it feels like Coke dips into that well a little often.

From YouTube patron ivan001:

By the way, this kind of commercial is actually too common. Life is beautiful, buy a Honda. I love my family, buy coca-cola. I love everybody, eat at mcdonalds. looks like they don't have anything to sell anymore but a concept that has nothing to do with the brand or product.

About people saying this is a great piece of advertising: this have absolutely nothing to do with the product. The message is extremely lame and conformist. You should fight for a happy life for everyone, not find some happiness for you in the middle of all the [expletive] that is going on. Also, I bet this 102 yo guy do not drink coca-cola and certainly not eat at mcdonalds.

As a sidenote, I'm going to start a regular segment where I cut and paste YouTube comments straight to my blog for the sake of entertainment - because if you don't find YouTube rage (at least some of it) incredibly funny, you were obviously born without a sense of humor.

Anyway, ivan001 both completely misses the point, and hits on another one with the precision of a drunken surgeon. Modern advertising has never been about the product. We are in the business of selling brands my friend, not toothpaste, not chewing gum, not housing loans. We sell feelings. We sell loyalties. We sell hunches. We sell the cure for buyer's remorse. What this country sorely lacks is media literacy. True, ivan001 may be literate enough to see how he/she is being manipulated, but advertising hasn't changed (much) in 40 years. If you aren't buying the spot, you aren't buying the product. But hopefully most of us understand what's really going on when Coke is pushing a 102 year-old man at us and doesn't mention "Coke" explicitly in a spot (besides the not-so-subtle product placements). There's no conspiracy here.

On the bright side, ivan touches on an idea I can support. Life is not about hedonism. This is where Coke falls short for me in this ad. It's a good thought, and you really ought to enjoy life and "grab it by the..." well, whatever you choose to grab life by. But it suggests that that is all life is about: pleasure. And finding yours. Nope.

More on YouTube rage, hedonism and my own personal philosophy later. Like you care *laughs*.

Caution

Sorry, I had to get the taste of bacon out of my mouth.

A bacon update

Holy crap.

The bacon cheese weave.

Your move, BMW.

First saw this here by blogger Jason (great name btw, and thank you). Brilliant outdoor counter-attack, by a local dealership in California. Fantastic.



On the left, a national-run ad from Audi touts the new A4 with a caption that reads, "Your move, BMW." The Santa Monica BMW strikes back with a simple "Checkmate." And a picture of the new M3.

Well played.

What's your NPR name?

You will no longer refer to me by my Christian name. For now on, please call me Jaspon Furadouro - NPR correspondent and expert on the trivial and mundane.

I won't be making the change legal anytime soon, but you can bet that when NPR needs a story on the 1950's diner (that started as a secret Nazi youth induction center) facing closure due to the struggling local economy, Jaspon Furadouro will have the story. Complete with ambience audio and interviews of a haggard, well-over-retirement-age figurehead manager detailing the early days of the diner (because he remembers them well between the long pauses and throat clearing).

But seriously, I would love to be an NPR correspondent. I just don't have the right name. Or the voice. Or the look. But here's a way I can fake it 'til I fail at it.

Thank you Liana and Eric (reposted from http://liana.tumblr.com/post/95793665/your-npr-name). Very clever.

Eric and I recently discovered a shared fascination with the slew of impossibly named NPR hosts we listen to every day: Renee Montagne, Steve Inskeep, Corey Flintoff, Korva Coleman, Kai Ryssdal, Dina Temple-Raston.

In fact, we’ve often wondered what it would be like to be one of them. A Nina Totenberg or a Renita Jablonski. A David Kestenbaum or a Lakshmi Singh. Even (on our most ambitious days) a Cherry Glaser or a Sylvia Poggioli.

So finally, after years of Fresh Air sign-off ambitions, we came up with a system for creating our own NPR Names. Here’s how it works: You take your middle initial and insert it somewhere into your first name. Then you add on the smallest foreign town you’ve ever visited.

So I’m Liarna Kassel. And Eric is Jeric Bath. I even have a new nickname for my little brother in Dylsan Rosarita.

So. Who are you going to be today?

C-, very poor. Please see me.

My brother forwarded this. I had to share - it might be a little inappropriate, but a small sacrifice for good humor.

How to fail tests. With dignity.

And, for extra credit: